Undying love - Chapter IV

* UNDYING LOVE *

- IV -

I have deposited this letter in this restaurant where you go each morning. Hoping that you give. Well, I do not talk to anybody. I remain closed for hours banging my head against the wall. Often, your face back in my memory, more and more often. I call you, but you do not come! My friends and family talk to me, I hear what they say but I do not answer.

I'm only a shadow of myself. When you are far away from me, or perhaps into the arms of another, instilled in me an irrational rage. I remain alert watching the window, if you spend as you always did, but no, nothing. I see you less often. I'm losing touch with reality, I emerge slowly into my other self, ignored by all. I see you walk on the street, hoping that you smile at me. I see you turn around and walk toward me, you passing without seeing me, then you go your way as if nothing had happened. I'm trying to hold you, my hands pass through your body

During the night, you're the one to fill my dreams, you get into my bed sheets, the face turned towards me, I lie nearby, and let myself be overwhelmed by your glance. How I wish these moments are true, your touch, my blood run cold, but warms my heart. I had the impression that you offer to me. I did not insist, but you cling to me, so near you.

It hurts too much in these times. I wanted to continue to look at you despite the pain it gave me, especially not you let go of your eyes. When you left me, I saw it as a refusal to fall in love. I will follow you wherever you go. I'm often see your face. I'm sick to watch you run every day and you have to wait in the evening to see you finally. I'm sick of not being able to talk to you, to not find the courage to talk to you. During your long absence, fear overcame me and dark thoughts I win.

I hear the voice of my brother who always tells me the same crap, the same speech, but I refuse to be away from you. I wish than you will be deeply troubled by my words. But you have your life, this life without me, you can not worry about me. Because you know nothing about my feelings. Only, nodding to say hello. You answer, by the same sign, thinking that it is only polite. Of course, it's of politeness, but my heart watching you pass, and it tells you, I love you every day.

But I will feed you of my energy. How many times I tried to talk to you, but I stayed there, frozen. I ask you to follow the direction of my heart, hear what I'm not saying. Through the window I watch you move, wishing fervently that you gives me the chance to talk to you one day. Days, and endless nights when I'm separated from you.  

"Hold me against your heart, if you hear me" 

"I came looking for you, because I love you."

I understand now why I do these weird dreams where I see you cry in front of my window without I ask you to join me. You were close to me, is not it? You traveled to me in your dreams. But one day, you stopped crying outside my window, and I got a fist to the heart. I miss your presence.

That In a few lines, my dream that I share with you.

My love, why dost thou not take my hand, I should blame you, you're gonna drive me crazy! Are you aware of floating near me, in me? You do not feel satisfied by my presence. You do not feel it, your heart beat as fast as mine?

One night, you will feel my hands caress your hips, I will hold you in my arms. Your eyes will shine and illuminate mine.

(...)

I walk down the street, I am intrigued by the sound of footsteps behind me. I turned and you were there. You look beautiful in your mischievous smile, and your eyes shone with a passion. We stopped at the altar, and the man began to speak:

We're here to celebrate... 

-Madailéin, will you take this man for husband? Will you love him, will you comfort him, will you honor him, in sickness and in health, and you renounce any other union, will you remain faithful to him until you die?

-Yes, I want it.

-Chung, would you take this woman for wife? Will you love her, will you comfort her, will you honor her, in sickness and in health, and you renounce any other union, will you remain faithful to her?

-Yes, I want it, I said that, I do not think to leave her. With all the efforts I have done to get here, must be completely mad to give up.  

-If someone opposes this marriage, that she says now, or be silent forever.

That's when I heard someone mutter, I turned and it was my brother who was still his. But instead of speaking, he waved his hand to signify to me that it was nothing.

- By the powers you give me, I pronounce you united for life, the time you have left to live. Kiss you, time is short.

There, I admit I had doubts about these words. But I regained my senses, when inflamed enchanting kiss my lips, and did fly my last doubts.

When a sudden I saw a blade, cut your head and you're collapsed.

I heard these words: 

- We must kill him, otherwise he will take revenge! A terrible war will begin and we will be screwed.


****

I felt shaken, it was my brother who shouted at me to wake me.

****

I'll avoid details of what I did afterwards. I prefer that you keep the image of a vulnerable self and shy, who is watching you pass, every morning. Instead of a mysterious man who kills without mercy.

What I will do without hesitation. I did not sign, your heart knows who I am.

_______________________________________

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Karole McDowell 2011 - (c) Reproduction is prohibited without permission from the author.